Big Boy Thinking

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:29-32

As we review these verses, it becomes pretty clear that Paul is addressing the role of “self” in our lives. Right off the bat, notice what he says about “unwholesome talk”; he does not say “Don’t cuss or you’re going to hell.” No, he tells us that our speech should be for the benefit of others. Yet he goes even further than that when he says our speech should benefit others according to “their needs.”

Who does that? Don’t most people talk about their own needs, express their feelings to resolve their issues, let you know how they feel? Don’t the shrinks tell us we need to express our feelings…?

Unwholesome talk…?

I’ve often said in these posts that following Christ is counter-intuitive; this is one of those times.

He goes on, and raises a second question: What does he tell us is grieving to the Holy Spirit of God? Maybe we should come back to that one.

In the final piece of this text, Paul tells us to get rid of “bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” OK Paul, now you’re sucking all of the fun out of everything!

What are we to replace these with? Kindness, compassion and forgiveness…

It’s beginning to sound like “love one another” isn’t it? Can we love one another if we are filled with bitterness and rage?


Are slander and malice expressions of love?


How about anger and brawling; are they expressions of love?


Now let’s try kindness, compassion and forgiveness; are these expressions of love?


Did you notice that all of the “no’s” were self-focused? Did you notice that the “yes” ones were outwardly focused for the benefit of others?

Yeah, I thought so. OK back to speech…

We all know that Jesus taught us to set our own interests aside and put the interests of others ahead of our own; what does this sound like when we speak? Is our speech grieving to the Holy Spirit within us?

I’ll let you answer those on your own.

A couple of sections back we spoke of spiritual maturity. To me, spiritual maturity is a fairly simple concept: deal with self. A mature Christian is one who puts others first… really. I don’t mean to help out when you have time or when you feel like it, or so you will be recognized. I mean really change our orientation and worldview.

Well, I said it was simple, I didn’t say it was easy.  One thing is for sure: we won’t get there by following the ways of this world, and with that, this passage just slipped back into Paul’s larger context.


About Don Merritt

A long time teacher and writer, Don hopes to share his varied life's experiences in a different way with a Christian perspective.
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11 Responses to Big Boy Thinking

  1. Love this in your writing Don “Who does that? Don’t most people talk about their own needs, express their feelings to resolve their issues, let you know how they feel? Don’t the shrinks tell us we need to express our feelings…?” Up until Trump got voted in as the President, which I have a prediction gift….and knew he would win…I found out that so many are “all about me.” I am a Christian and believe in true things of the bible. It is a struggle to witness to a negative family and friends that are not Christians. My so called family would not take me in on Oct 1st due to low wages and living in my car. Doesn’t the bible say to help those in need. I dont’ do drugs and work hard and “I was the bad guy again.” I kept my faith and moved away from family to ohio. pRAISE gOD. XOXOXO

  2. Pete says:

    Very well said. May I add that to accomplish what Paul asks us to do here takes a pretty good dose of humility as well?

  3. Tom says:

    Great word Don! Such simplicity in word to just love everyone. The way to do that is really realize how much Jesus loved you as He died on the cross for you. Then it makes it much easier to put others first and really love and serve them as God loves them.

  4. Russ P. says:

    My blog post said essentially the same thing as yours today. Interesting the Holy Spirit would lead us to write about love for one another. It must be something we all need to hear.

  5. Pingback: Catching up with Ephesians- onwards from Unity! | The Life Project | franciscansonthemountains

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