Husbands and Wives


Ephesians 5:21-33

With these verses, Paul moves from the general instruction about a Christian’s life to a more specific instruction, beginning with the relationship of marriage, a subject that he writes about in more than one letter, as you know. To be perfectly honest, these aren’t my favorite topics to blog about, for it’s easy to get the wrong impression about where this is headed; a post on this text tends to run a bit long as a result; even so, let’s try the short version today.

The main point to keep in mind as you read this, (ladies in particular) is that the relationship between husband and wife isn’t even Paul’s main point. Gentlemen, I think it is also very important that we recognize right off, that historical and cultural attitudes of the past might color our view of some of this, for over the centuries in male dominated societies, our forefathers sometimes ignored the rules of context here, preferring to seize upon certain verses to impose upon their wives some pretty idiotic ideas, ideas that are entirely in opposition to Paul’s teaching.

Yep, one of these days, I’ll do a series of posts, maybe a whole book on Biblical marriage; that’s probably what it would take to it justice. Biblical teachings on marriage aren’t what most people think they are, at least in my view, for they are always really about our relationships with God more than anything else.

Context: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (verse 21) Did you catch “to one another”?

Verses 22-24 are historically our favorite verses in the entire Bible to quote out of context: Yes sir, wives should submit to their husbands in everything! Ladies, please bear in mind that I usually refer to my wife as “She Who Must Be Obeyed”! Paul is using a cultural attitude from the first century Roman Empire to illustrate the relationship between Christ, represented here by husbands, and the church, represented by wives. He is not authorizing husbands to mistreat their wives, for that would be a violation of the marriage covenant.

Verses 25-31 are instructions to husbands, who are supposed to love their wives as Christ loved the church… “and gave Himself up for her.” Jesus gave up His very life on the cross for the church, and likewise, Paul is telling husbands they should give up their very lives for their wives. Most of the time, husbands don’t need to give up their physical lives for their wives, no it’s more like their will, ambitions and “self”. Thus, for a preacher to teach, and a Christian husband to assert domination over wives is purely a perversion of the text.

Wives give up self by submission, husbands give up self by devotion, and the result is a partnership, not domination; everybody wins.

Consider this: Isn’t this what we’ve been saying all along? Giving up self and serving others? Sounds like love doesn’t it?

The final two verses were seldom quoted in days gone by, and they aren’t always mentioned now either:

This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:32-33

You see, this whole conversation is about Christ and the church; marriage is supposed to be the illustration of that relationship, an illustration that we all recognize and understand, but thanks to the sinful nature of this world, it requires a lot more explaining than perhaps it used to in Paul’s day.

Oh yes, and by the way, husbands really should love their wives as they love themselves, and wives really should respect their husbands.

Isn’t that really a no-brainer?

If you would like to see how marriage ties in with the very purpose for which God created humanity in the first place, check out this post from earlier this year : Two Curious Comments and One Little Observation.


About Don Merritt

A long time teacher and writer, Don hopes to share his varied life's experiences in a different way with a Christian perspective.
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11 Responses to Husbands and Wives

  1. As a single guy, always looking to prepare myself for this.

  2. Tom says:

    Very well said Don! And something that needs to be said more often.

  3. daylerogers says:

    THANK YOU! Beautifully written–and I love that you talked about the difference in what giving up self is–wives do so by submission, husbands by devotion. Which makes sense in the context that women need to feel secure and men need to feel respected. Would love to meet your wife–the Woman Who Must Be Obeyed. Priceless!

  4. loftspeaker1 says:

    Husbands and wives both a roles to play in a marriage..not one more important than the other. Each working in their roles to reflect the relationship between and His Church.

    Take a look at my blog: loft

    Please stop by! 😊

  5. Pingback: Husbands and Wives | The Life Project | franciscansonthemountains

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