If you are a regular follower here you might have noticed that I dropped off the radar last Wednesday, and so I thought that the polite thing to do today would be for me to offer a brief explanation for my sudden disappearance. Would you prefer a story… or the truth…?
As for me, I’d much prefer a story, since a story would be quite a bit more fun, but I suppose you’ll insist upon the truth.
Fine, be that way; here’s the truth:
It all began last Monday when my daughter showed up with my seven month old grandson. As daughters do, she handed him to me while she was unpacking all of the baby paraphernalia she had brought in with her. After unpacking everything we sat down and she began to tell me how he had begun to engage in an amusing practice which she called “projectile vomiting” the night before… As I listened to this story, and I looked at that sweet little face in my arms, thoughts of malice and payback toward my dear daughter began floating through my mind…
It wasn’t long before my daughter began to exhibit the very same symptoms, but I myself, made of much sterner stuff you understand, didn’t succumb… until mid day Wednesday; my wife joined the party on Thursday.
My wife of course is the responsible member of the household, and she went to the doctor on Friday for this outrageous malady, even though I had advised against it. After all, my daughter had taken the baby on Tuesday and been told that it was “that virus that’s going around”. My wife on the other hand, wasn’t buying it, and insisted that I go with her, but being irresponsible, I declined.
We know we have the same thing; why pay twice for useless information that we already know about?
I suppose we have a slight philosophical difference between us; she believes that I’m irresponsible for not being “seen” by the doctor when I’m so ill, while I believe that it’s irresponsible to go to the doctor and pay a rate of $2,571.00 per hour to receive such a scientific diagnosis of what’s going on that consists of “Oh yes, you have that nasty intestinal virus that everyone’s getting. There’s nothing you can do but let it run its course… and don’t get dehydrated” (and get it the hell out of my office!).
Side note: She doesn’t see where I get my hourly rate, after all, an office visit is only $150.00 for what typically amounts to a 3 ½ minute session…
You might wonder why I’m getting into dollars and cents in this tale of woe, and I’ll tell you: It’s much more polite than talking about the symptoms!
How are we doing now, you ask?
Well, as of this morning I’m actually feeling more or less normal again. The baby has been fine for a couple of days now, along with his mother, and my wife?
She caught a nasty cold at the doctor’s office!